Stef vs. Geography

Exert from actual conversation between Stef and US Military Serviceman on a plane:

SERVICEMAN: "I'm on my way to Paris."
STEF: "Paris, London?"
SERVICEMAN: "Yes"

Stef On Religion

Upon seeing an Arabic man on the side of the highway next to his car and dressed in a thobe:

"I think that guy was wearing a tan snuggie.....either that or he was a Muslim"

Vehicle Molestation

"I think your car molested me"

Stef vs. Geography

2014 Winter Olympics Conversation: The current skier's country's initials are listed as AUS

Stef: "AUSTRALIA?!?!?!  Do they even get snow there?"

Me: "No, they're from Austria."

Stef: "Austria?????.........Is that by Antarctica or something?"

Stef Learns About The Male Anatomy

"You mean you don't have to hold it when you sit down to go to the bathroom???"

"It lays down?  I thought it points up."

Health According To Stef

When miscellaneously slapping Stef's ass:

Stef: "Quit beating me or you'll give me that disease you get when you get hit to death".

Me: "You mean death...?"

Stef vs. The English Language

Stef: “How do you even say ‘rural’?”

Me: “ “Roo-rall” “

Stef: “ “Rowl-rall” “

Me: “No, “roo-rall” “

Stef: “ “Rowl-rall” “

This continues for a few minutes…Stef now has found a website that will have a man’s voice pronounce the word properly for her to hear

Website: “ “Roo-rall” “

Stef: “ “Roar-all” “

Website: “ “Roo-rall” “

Stef: “ “Rooooar-all” “

Website: “ “Roo-rall” “

Stef: “ “Roo-raaaall”

Continue for a few minutes followed by her moving on to trying practice sentences using the word rural.

Me: laughing

Stef: “SHUT UP.  At least I work on my imperfections.”

Morning After Wolf Of Wall Street

"Whenever you woke me up I was dreaming about hookers' butts"

Thermodynamics and Heat Transfer According to Stef

During Our Bike Ride:

Stefanie: "That green Mitsubishi that just passed us…the engine…I felt the heat when it went by.”

Me: “I really doubt that.”

Stefanie: “Well maybe the wind from the heat…”

Me: “The wind from the heat?!?!?!”

Stefanie:  “IT GOT WARMER, YOU BASTARD”

Stef Is NOT A Fan Of Anti-Flag

"It Feels Like They Stuck Their Dicks In My Ears"

Why I'm Not Allowed To Put A Swing In The Living Room

"Matt adult swings are no longer games, they're sex toys"

A Jimmy Dean Halloween

"What is a fat girl for Halloween?.......A storm cloud"

Music Revelations

"I learned something that might impress you...I learned that Sting used to be the singer for The Police....I know that you know that but I didn't know if you knew that I knew that."

I love baseball...

"I thought Asians weren't allowed to play in the American League"

Threats From Stef

"If I had a penis I would stick it up your nose"

Redneck Relationships

"Rednecks don't hook-up unless at least one is intoxicated"

BIKE RIDING WITH STEF

RIDING

Stef: "I feel naked out here.  I feel like I should be wearing a seat belt"

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CLIMBING A HILL

Me: "You can stand up if you need"

Stef: "Yeah, that's my last option just before falling off....really, I've fallen off my bike riding up a hill before"

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DIRECTION

Me: "We go straight here"

Stef: "Yep, straight.....MICHAEL STRAHAN, MICHAEL STRAHAN!!!"

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CLIMBING A HILL

Stef: "Margaritaville"

Me: "What?!?!?!"

Stef: "That's my happy place...I needed to go to my happy place"

The English Language Language According To Stef

"The Flag Thing": Acceptable name for the national anthem of the United States of America

BMW vs. Acura

Seeing a BMW 330 in the parking lot of a restaurant..........

Me: "This is is the BMW I was considering when I chose my Acura"

Stef: "Well, if you had a BMW you would have a cuter girlfriend"

"An Asian child would look good in our family"